Not sure If I should be posting these thoughts on my blog because of how personal it is to me and how sensitive I am to it. I could really use a listening ear from some of my readers though; the very little readers that I have haha. I don't know if I am the only one with Crohns who feels the way I do but I feel like I am. I get so frustrated so easily when it comes to my Crohns and being on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Life is no longer simple for me. There is so much to know and so much effort I need to put into planning meals for myself, which I don't mind. I've learned to accept that I can't eat out really but the inconvenience drives me nuts! Everything I do is planned. I have to plan out every meal I eat because I can't just run through the Taco Bell drive through if I need to. I also don't have much money to always be eating out at one of the two restaurants I have so far found to be SCD legal. I feel like I can no longer be flexible and social life has become complicated. It makes me feel like I just want to keep to myself, that nobody really cares to understand, or that nobody will ever understand even if they tried. I have gotten tired of trying to explain myself to people who tend to respond with "Sucks to be you" or "Poor Melanie". I am at the point where I truly love my lifestyle of eating but nobody I associate myself with shares that same love or knowledge. SCD is a hard lifestyle to live during these modern times. It is not socially acceptable and people just find it flat out weird! It was very hard for me at first to avoid junk food. I craved it all the time. I have gotten passed that stage, thank goodness, but now the temptation is only there because of convenience. Am I going to eat another apple for dinner because the place we are going to eat with friends doesn't provide SCD options? I go ahead and eat the apple but I find myself feeling somewhat uncomfortable in those social settings where every one is eating and enjoying themselves while I am sitting there watching them.
I don't want to feel frustrated anymore. I don't want to feel out of place or uncomfortable, and I don't want to feel like I can never socialize or go out and do things because nobody understands my lifestyle. In social settings it either becomes a big inconvenience for me or a big inconvenience for those I am with. I find myself dreading social things instead of being excited for them. Am I the problem here? Is it me that has the wrong outlook that causes me to feel frustrated? Is it a personal issue or is it the people I am surrounding myself with? .................. How do I change this?
Any Thoughts?
2 comments:
Mel, First off - I miss your face!! Most especially my favorite COW EYES that you have!! I love to read your blog because you are a very open and honest writer. I find that your fresh outlook on life often reminds me to slow down and enjoy myself.
Reading todays post made me sad, but also gave me the opportunity to do what you have done for me many times and remind you just how wonderful you are. You have a pretty difficult disease to handle, and you manage to shoulder it gracefully and not let things get to you. Being socially accepted or worrying what others think will just clutter your brain and make you forget what is important: Staying healthy and staying true to you.
Hang tough, my sweet young friend. you have more strength in your 20 something little being than most folks my age and older. Know that I'm always in your corner rooting you on and looking for new recipes to share with you!!
xo,
Sharon
Ps - can we PLEASE get together for heavens sake!!?? I miss you!!
I knew I could count on you to respond :) thanks for that!!! I guess i just don't feel fully accepted or understood by others so it makes me protective of myself and less social....Yes! Let me know when!! :D
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