Late Updates

Since my last post, I can say that I have achieved the goals I had laid out for myself.

1) I overcame Shingles after taking a second round of meds.

2) I got off of the Prednisone.

3) I didn't lose all the weight that I wanted to before our trip but I at least felt a little more confident than I had before.

4). Was able to skip my colonoscopy because of number 5.

5) I am pregnant with another girl and I am due the end of June!!

6)  I am doing well on Inflectra ( different brand than Remicade) and am able to space my infusions out every 8 weeks.

Being pregnant while on Inflectra has been emotionally hard on me. I cant help but wonder "what if". Meds are never something I would want to inflict on my children. I am just trying to have faith that this is what my plan is and that my baby will be safe through the 9 months. I am doing the best I can to educate myself on how  to keep my children healthy. The one thing I have been lacking during this pregnancy is exercise. I am just so tired all the time and uncomfortable that working out just hasn't been something I have given much effort towards. I go on the occasional walk but that is about it. There has been so much rain lately that going outside to be active just hasnt been an option. Hoping I will have the strength to deliver this baby into the world. haha

i am tired and ready to have my body back. Pregnancy is exhausting and the second pregnancy is just so different. I feel like I have been pregnant for so much longer. This little girl is an active one. I almost feel like she moves more than my first ever did. Excited to meet her and to add to our family. Scarlett is very anxious to hold her. She is going to be best big sister.

Shingles...

Life since starting the Prednisone and Remicade has been A TRUE ADVENTURE. haha The title of this blog rings true once again. Having the relief from my symptoms has been wonderful and the energy I have been given has been life changing. I honestly don't remember the last time I felt so joyful and so capable of doing absolutely everything I set my mind to. Whether that is getting the dishes done, or running every single errand in one day with my 2 year old on my hip. haha I have felt unstoppable, to the point where I have shed tears of joy. haha But then there are the downsides...not being able to sleep at night, having emotional breakdowns, moon face (trying to avoid sodium as much as possible), swelling in my stomach, and then my increase in appetite that causes weight gain. The pros were outweighing the cons for a while, but I am definitely anxious to finally be off the steroids and just manage with the Remicade.

We went camping last weekend and it was so much fun. So glad we were able to go. But a couple days before, I started feeling some crazy back pain and groin pain. I thought that maybe I had pulled something while doing squats..(yes, I had all the energy in the world to do squats and get my body moving more) and maybe I pushed my body too hard. SO i didn't think too much of it. The back pain persisted and got worse by the end of our camping trip. I just figured I probably should go to the chiropractor soon.

When we got back from camping, I took a shower and noticed in the bathroom mirror some kind of rash on my lower back. Just a couple break outs that looked like it could have been bug bites. They didn't itch and we did just go camping. Once again, didn't think much of it. The next day, I went and had my Remicade infusion. I truly felt so exhausted when I got there, and my back was really hurting. I completely forgot I even had a rash on my back. Still didn't put any of this together. I slept the entire chemo session. The kind of sleep where I wake up embarrassed knowing my mouth was wide open and there was a chance I had drool on my pillow. haha I then took another nap at home when I got back. I haven't slept like that in a while, especially being on Prednisone. By that night, I discovered more rash on the right side of my groin area, and this time, it was a bubbling rash. Did not look good and I knew I needed to be concerned. I started putting the pain and the rash together thinking they must be related. Sent pictures to my mom who told me she is pretty sure it is SHINGLES. I just couldn't believe it. What a pain in the butt, literally. The burning sensation just started to escalate over night as well as the pain. Contacted my gastro doc the next day who told me that if we had known I had shingles, he would have had me wait until after it healed for me to receive the next infusion. OH WELL. It is what it is. He prescribed me a 7 day antiviral drug to help fight it.

 I was in so much pain the last couple of days. It felt like back labor and contractions. I could barely get around or even pick something up off the floor. The rash was nasty and made me not want to wear anything at all. I have just been wearing loose dresses. Grateful the location of it all is where I can easily keep it covered. My daughter never received the chicken pox vaccine so that has been a concern of ours. So far she hasn't shown any symptoms of getting the chicken pox. Crossing our fingers that her immune system is strong enough to overcome any contact she may have. Yesterday, I finally woke up without being in major pain. I am still achy and rash is still bubbling in a lot of places, but I can tell I am finding some healing.

Even though all of this has been super hard, I have truly felt so much love and comfort. My husband gave me a blessing on the night where I felt so defeated, Tuesday night. I could barely move because of the pain and didn't see how I was going to get through the next day, let alone the night. I did't know how I was going to take care of Scarlett the next day. I woke up the next morning and a friend of mine from church texted me offering to take Scarlett of my hands. I took her offer and Scarlett was able to play while I could rest and not stress about entertaining her. I was able to talk on the phone with my siblings and received a special edible arrangement from my sister. It was all so nice and meant a lot to me. When Scarlett was brought back home, she went right down for a nap and slept for at least 3 hours. It was such a tender mercy. My mom brought us dinner that night and then when bed time came, Scarlett went right down and even slept in the next morning. She is usually a great sleeper but since camping, her routine was a little off. BUT I had no stress through it all, so much peace, and I could just feel angels around me, comforting me every step of the way. I feel like Scarlett even was comforted. She has been so loving to me and I just couldn't be more grateful for every tender mercy that has come my way. I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father is aware of me.

The pain has subsided substantially since yesterday, so I am grateful for that as well. It is all just a waiting game at this point for this rash to heal. I haven't left the house in days. Feeling depressed and bored tonight as my husband and Scarlett head off to a family birthday swim party. Wish I could have gone with them. but as I have been sitting here, I wanted to write out my goals for the rest of the year. I am eager for change and feel the need to write them out so it is easier for me to stay positive. In order:

Goal #1: Finish up the 7 day antibiotics and overcome the Shingles...hoping I am already on the mend. I have 3.5 more days of pills. Really don't want to take another round of the meds. I am so done being sick and having something holding me back from being able to enjoy life.

Goal #2: Get off Prednisone---I have 2.5 weeks left of it. I believe June 25th is my last day.
Getting off Prednisone will get rid of my moon face, lower my appetite, will be one less heavy drug in my system, and will let me see how much the Remicade is actually working for me at this point. It will bring me a lot of peace being off of it.

Goal #3: Lose the weight I have gained from the Prednisone. Every two years we go to a family reunion in Kentucky and every time we go, I am on Prednisone and feel so self conscious of the way I look. I am sick of being there while not feeling confident in my own skin. Just want to be able to have fun and not worry about the extra swelling built up everywhere and the worries of of my health on my shoulders. Want to not stress about being in a bathing suit this summer either. Hopefully by the time we head to Kentucky, I can get rid of all the extra swelling and weight by eating healthy and exercising in some way.

Goal #4: Have a colonoscopy. I HATE colonoscopies but I have to have it done just to make sure things are healing enough for me to plan ahead with no added procedures, to where I can move on to goal number five. As much as I want to skip this altogether, I have to overcome the discomfort of it all and get it over with, praying for good results.

Goal #5: Get pregnant with baby number 2. I am so tired of waiting and since Scarlett is already 2 years old, I am soooo anxious to be able to get pregnant sooner rather than later so there isn't a horrendous age gap between her and the next one. She is so ready to be a big sister and the guilt has really gotten to me. I am curious to see how my pregnancy will go while on the Remicade. My first pregnancy was so hard on me and postpartum was tough as well. This will be a whole new experience for me this time around. Nerve racking a little but I am trying to stay hopeful and have faith that everything will work out.

Goal #6: Only receive Remicade every 8 weeks. I am hoping that by eating my whole food plant based diet, it will allow me to go up to 8 weeks rather than 6 weeks. Last time I was on Remicade, I couldn't go longer than 6 weeks and I hated that. I wonder if it is possible to go longer than 8 weeks. May be something I can talk to my doctor about, cause if that is so....I'll be adding that to my list of goals.

There you have it. I am ready for my Crohn's disease to take a back seat and not control my life.

God's Plan For Me

Life has been a roller coaster for me the last couple of months. I was doing great following the whole food plant based diet. My symptoms were basically gone and I felt so hopeful for the future. BUT all of a sudden I was hit with a nasty virus of some sort. It was what seemed like a bad cold that lasted 3 weeks and it wiped me out big time. It caused me to have an awful sinus infection that I decided to take antibiotics for because I was desperate for relief. I was losing my mind from the lack of sleep and feeling so sick for such a long period of time. The medication that I took for the sinus infection wiped my gut big time and my Crohn's flair was at its peak. I was in so much pain, constant trips to the bathroom, with blood in my stool. I was soooo lethargic, nauseated, and my arthritis was starting to hit. I was barely eating and when I did, it was green smoothies and rice. Then my erythema nodosum came back. It started getting painful and I just couldn't understand why my body was so sick when I had been doing so well and I had overcome these symptoms already before.

It hit me that I reached my 6 month mark since my last infusion which means at that point there was no more trace of Remicade in my body to help me. Then I thought that apparently my body isn't capable of sustaining good health without the help of meds. I am never able to maintain my health and stay in remission for longer than 6 months or so at a time. I felt so discouraged. So much so that I spent the night of my birthday, on the floor in my bathroom, just crying. I cried so hard feeling so frustrated that I seem to keep failing at something that must not be meant for me. I cried because I was tired. Tired of fighting. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I cried because I was humbled. Humbled in learning that it is okay for me to choose medications for help. It is okay to consider a drug as a blessing from God rather than thinking that God is disappointed in me. I wanted so badly to manage with diet and did all that I could hoping that it was enough and that God would grant me a med free life.  I cried because I surrendered. I surrender here on out and am choosing to have the help of Remicade along with diet to be my life long solution.

I need a stable solution. My daughter needs a dependable mom, who can take care of her and has the energy to play with her and be present in her life. My husband needs a wife who can take care of herself as well as the home and who can be there as a support, not a stress. I need to be able to have more children and raise a family, with a happy outlook and lively attitude. I can't keep fighting and dragging my family into my roller coaster of health. It just isn't healthy for me physically or emotionally.

I know that following the Word of Wisdom and eating a whole food plant based lifestyle will help me stay as healthy as I can be and allow the Remicade to be able to help me the rest of my life. I am ready to plan for the future, to be able to have children without fear of sickness. I am ready to live life without the added pressure and stress of my health. I am ready to live life, happy to be alive, happy to have meds that can help me, and happy to have the knowledge of healthy eating. All of it is scary and I tend to fear the worst. It is my downfall. I am tired of having fear. I pray every day from here on out that I can let go of the fear and allow myself to have faith in this journey. God is in control.

Time For Self Love

My journey with Crohns disease has not been easy and the last few months, I have made a lot of changes in diet but lacked changes in my physical habits. I have felt so weak since I had a baby because of my health and mental struggles. It caused me to be lethargic and being active seemed to cause too much mental and physical stress at the time. It is so hard to explain my mind and the way it works. It is so complex at times I drive my own self crazy. I feel so alone at times but then realize that there is no way I am alone in how I feel.

 As of recent, I have been able to make some huge strides in my physical health which in turn helps with my mental health. My body had been so achy for a while and I finally was able to go to the chiropractor to be looked at. He was absolutely astonished as to the condition of my spine and posture. He got to work right away and it was in that appointment that I finally had a release. It was a release of tension, stress, frustration, pain, happiness, relief! I couldn't believe that I was beginning to cry right there in his office. He gave me some supplement suggestions to help with my adrenal glands and I was on my way. As soon as I got in the car, I just sobbed. Sobbed in a way that I was almost laughing at myself mid cry. I can't remember ever before crying this hard. It just released and there was nothing I could do about it. My husband was in shock as I came home, still sobbing and melting into his arms, and my sweet daughter hugged my leg.

 Obviously that chiropractor appt was far overdue. It brought such realization to me that the stresses and the lack of self love can really put a strain on our bodies. Our bodies are so complex and we don't realize how much control we have in the way we feel. I made some new goals for myself that I have already began to see results with.

1. I am continuing to eat WFPB and drinking more water.
2. I am practicing yoga every day.
3. I am staying on my feet more and doing productive tasks rather than sitting and scrolling through my phone.
4. Do an activity outdoors every day. As of now, it is gardening.

I wish quite often that I was born in a simpler time. Where it required more work to survive and there were less distractions keeping us from growing and being productive. Our phones and electronics and social media rob so much of our time. I appreciate being alive but I also don't appreciate the things that bring down the quality of so many of our lives. I hate having crohns! I really do! but I also feel like there is a blessing that has come with it and it is discovering true health in food and what it means to have true health. It has caused me to strive for a simple life with less busy and more peace of mind. We don't have to live in an always on the go kind of world. We create the life we want to live.

If you are still reading, thank you for your time and your desire to read my thoughts. I hope they are clear because I fear often that I am misunderstood. haha This is where I am at as of now and I could not be more at peace with it.

XOXO

Whole Food Plant Based

I am back at the blog. Life has been quite the adventure the last year. My journey to find health continues but I truly believe I am on the right track. I have continued my story under the My Story tab. I am approaching my health a completely different way and because of that, I am finding so much more happiness. So forget SCD, forget Paleo, and say Hello to WHOLE FOOD PLANT BASED! I explain how I came across this new lifestyle under the My Story tab so go check that out. I am excited to share how I am doing a long the way.

So far, I have been eating this way for a little over 2 months. I am med free and starting to see the results I want. I am not completely symptom free just yet but the fact that most of the symptoms I get when med free have not occurred, I know that my body is not getting any worse. It takes time and patience to heal a body that has struggled with Crohns for over 10 years. With constant prayer, I have been able to continue to eat this way every day.

I am hopeful and positive and will continue to share the amazing recipes I find.

Some major details to take note of with my new approach is that I am no longer consuming meat and I am avoiding dairy, processed food and sugar, and oil (except the occasional olive oil). 

I am eating an abundance of plant based foods such as vegetables of all kind, fruits of all kind, beans, nuts, seeds, rice and potatoes, and brown rice pasta. I eat very little bread and if I do, I only eat the best, sprouted kind such as Ezekiel bread. I am still healing and once I am fully healed, I plan to eat more whole grain, wheat products. I have absolutely loved eating this way. I have lost all my unwanted weight, with no exercising in just 2 months. 

Here is to a new me! Excited for what this new year has in store for me and my family. :)

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Starting Over

So my life is unpredictable. For all of you out there struggling with Crohns or diseases similar, I suggest you get a food allergy test done. I have been following the SCD diet for quite some time and it is great but I should have gotten a food allergy test done to see what foods I am the most sensitive too. I just got one done a few weeks ago and the results are mind blowing to me. I am obviously very sensitive to grains:
Amaranth
Barley
Bran
Buckwheat
Corn
Gluten
Hops
Malt
Millet
Oats
Quinoa
Rye
Teff
and Wheat.

I am sensitive to Lobster (so random).

I am sensitive to Asparagus, Eggplant, and Okra.

I am sensitive to Black-eyed Peas, Kidney Beans, Navy beans, and PEANUTS!! :(

I am sensitive to Bananas, COCONUT!!, Fig, Kiwi, and Pineapple.

I am sensitive to Coffee, Green Tea, Bakers Yeast and Brewers Yeast.

I am sensitive to Brazil nuts, Chestnuts, Chia seeds, Poppy seeds, and Sesame.

I am sensitive to Basil, Black Pepper, Cilantro, Cinnamon, Cloves, Dill, Fennel Seed, Licorice, Nutmeg, Oregano, Peppermint, Turmeric, and Vanilla.

So there are many things here that I include in my diet all the time. Surprisingly, I show no sensitivity to dairy. So for the longest time I have been avoiding dairy and using COCONUT milk as a substitute, which is something I am very much sensitive to. I use coconut flour, coconut milk, coconut oil, coconut wraps, coconut aminos, coconut water, etc. My mind is blown and it looks like I need to make dietary changes once again.

I dont show sensitivity to rice so I am going to try out brown rice pasta. I also dont show sensitivity to potatoes. It is all so interesting to me.

So I highly recommend getting tested for food allergies if you havent already.

A Change of Plans

I sit here at my laptop, trying to think of how to write this post. I am at loss for words as to how to express my feelings thus far in my journey called life. I am trying not to be embarrassed being that I have failed in a way to uphold a lifestyle that I have such a strong testimony of. I still believe in it and believe it is what people should apply to their lives but life can be so confusing. To want something so bad, something so good, just to be told time and time again that it isn't possible for you. It is defeating and frustrating. I am referring to my health at this time although these concepts can apply to almost anything. I tried my hardest to help heal myself with broth and collagen and gelatin and leaky gut supplements and probiotics/prebiotics and changing my diet, eliminating almost everything under the sun. What happened, I got even sicker?? I mean seriously, I wanted so badly for my Heavenly Father to help me through. I was doing everything I could and I was just waiting for Him to do the rest. I practiced faith like I had never practiced faith before. How could something so natural and healthy not be able to turn my health around? I got stubborn. I wondered if I just needed to practice more patience. Was I being tested of my diligence? One day at a time, every meal or snack became a huge choice. This lifestyle consumed me. It was all I could think about/ stress about. As well as having a 4 month old who I was nursing, I worried I wasn't getting enough calories to support my milk supply. I was tired, sick, and stressed. Then I began to realize that maybe my faith was in the wrong thing. I had faith that my Heavenly Father could give me what I wanted when rather, I needed to have faith in what my Heavenly Father wanted for me. Of course I believe that I can be healed...but can I accept a life of not being healed? The time came where of course, I was so sick that I was risking not being able to function as a mom. I couldn't do that to my daughter or even to my husband. I needed to get over my ideal life and accept the one that was in front of me. I needed to discuss medication again. I have cried many tears through this process of accepting this plan for me. I am starting to feel more confidence with the decision...do I wish my daughter didn't have to nurse from a mom with medications in her system? OF COURSE. I feel so guilty for this. But I am trying to not be so hard on myself. Heavenly Father is in charge and because of that, I need to choose to be happy and understand that medications are a blessing for me. They really will help me and help me be the best mom and wife I can be. I can't be hard on myself any longer. Am I still going to eat healthy? Most definitely. But I am choosing to no longer wonder, Why me? Why can't I be one of those people who can be healthy through diet? From now on, I am going to be grateful for my journey, the things I have learned, and accepting that this is my plan.